Thought Experiment

Good Shabbos!

Now, when failing to comment on this post, please tell us whether your silence is because:

a) You are in an intense, uplifted state and cannot form such profane words

b) You are too busy trashing some other blogger who is less frum than you

c) You are too busy trashing some other blogger who is more frum than you

d) You live on the East Coast (or even Israel), it's already Shabbos, and chas v'shalom you should blog on Shabbos

e) All of the above.

STUPID Rabbis

Brooklyn Wolf muses on an idiotic piece of advice from a rabbi, as reported by a (female) congregant, on "the halacha of stomping on your bride's foot under the chuppah right after the glass is broken." To show her right away who's the ba'al in the marriage.

Ok, take a minute to digest that. (Click the links and read, whatever.)

Right, then, ready?

TOP TEN THINGS TO SAY
when you realize you've just stomped on your kallah's foot:

10. "Thank goodness! You're NOT made of glass!"
9. "It's a good thing I got that bee just before it stung you!"
8. "Oh, sorry, I forgot to warn you about my nervous tick."
7. (Pointing wildly at the rabbi): "He did it!"
6. "Did you know that sore feet are a sign of moshiach's impending arrival?"
5. (Looking warily at her high heels): "OK, now it's your turn..."
4. "Oh, sorry honey, I didn't see you there."
3. "Wow! Did anyone else feel that earthquake?"
2. "You know I (hic) can't hold my (hic) Manischevitz very well..."

And the number one thing to say when you realize you've just stomped on your kallah's foot:
1. "I'll go write the get now."


Others weigh in:
Dov Bear
Rabbi Without a Cause

Bad Cohen is Online

My husband (finally) has his own blog, about Jewish music.

Yet another way to procrastinate and avoid composing, right? ;-}

Adventures of a Very Bad Cohen

Enjoy!

Matzah, Matzah Man...

My son's new nickname (and theme song).

At seven months old, he consumed as much matzah at the seder as his 33-year old aunt.

With no teeth (the baby, that is, not my sister-in-law).
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(ok, so there were crumbs all over the floor under his seat afterwards, but isn't that why we clean so thoroughly before Pesach? So we know that the mess is from relatives, and can grumble about them for the rest of the month?)

Incidentally, here's the chorus of the Village People original translated into traditional Chinese. Just for fun.

嘿! 嘿! 嘿, 嘿, 嘿!
強壯男子, 強壯男子的人(強壯男子的人)

GOOD Gefilte Fish

No, this is not an oxymoron.

But there is a secret: wild salmon.

Ok, two secrets: poaching, not boiling for 3 hours.

At the risk of outraging Bad Cohen, I'm going to let you in on his amazing discoveries so that your family, too, can reclaim this dish for the 21st century.

What does this mean?

You fish should be 2 parts wild salmon (fairly good quality, fatty fish) and 1 part true cod. This makes for a more expensive dish, but believe me, it's worth it. In the quantities we usually make (enough for 2 seders and lunches all week), we spend about $60 on fish. $50 of that is the salmon.

HOWEVER, this is only a good investment if you don't boil the hell out of the fish.

Make small balls (about the size of golf balls), and cook them in small batches. Drop them into simmering fish broth, and cook them for about 8 minutes AFTER they start floating.

OK, if you've read this far, you deserve one more tip:

Homemade fish broth? Phhbbbt.
Dashi takes 10 minutes if you can find a reliable source of dried bonito flakes (smoked and dried pieces of skipjack tuna) that you know doesn't contain any non-kosher fish. Obviously, this option is a freak-out if you're Orthodox, so skip it.

(Disclaimer: although these tips make for a better dish and shorter cooking time, Bad Cohen did walk into the house Sunday afternoon and quote Han Solo after landing in the garbage chute - "My, what a wonderful SMELL you've discovered.") ;-}