Tuesday, April 17, 2007

STUPID Rabbis

Brooklyn Wolf muses on an idiotic piece of advice from a rabbi, as reported by a (female) congregant, on "the halacha of stomping on your bride's foot under the chuppah right after the glass is broken." To show her right away who's the ba'al in the marriage.

Ok, take a minute to digest that. (Click the links and read, whatever.)

Right, then, ready?

TOP TEN THINGS TO SAY
when you realize you've just stomped on your kallah's foot:

10. "Thank goodness! You're NOT made of glass!"
9. "It's a good thing I got that bee just before it stung you!"
8. "Oh, sorry, I forgot to warn you about my nervous tick."
7. (Pointing wildly at the rabbi): "He did it!"
6. "Did you know that sore feet are a sign of moshiach's impending arrival?"
5. (Looking warily at her high heels): "OK, now it's your turn..."
4. "Oh, sorry honey, I didn't see you there."
3. "Wow! Did anyone else feel that earthquake?"
2. "You know I (hic) can't hold my (hic) Manischevitz very well..."

And the number one thing to say when you realize you've just stomped on your kallah's foot:
1. "I'll go write the get now."


Others weigh in:
Dov Bear
Rabbi Without a Cause

9 Comments:

Blogger The back of the hill said...

Which foot? Do you use the right foot first, or the left foot? Or do you start the stomp with the right, continue and follow through with the left, and then finish with the right?

I would respectfully suggest, for the ultra-Hhareidi who adopt this minhag, that instead of explaining the birds and bees to their children, they explain the footy dance that they will be expected to perform under the Hhuppah - women too, as this is technically not a mitzvah she ha zman gramma - ergo, both have to attempt foot stomping.

"What a nice wedding! Both the bride and groom were crippled - that proved that they were bashert!"

4/17/2007 6:05 PM  
Blogger Jacob Da Jew said...

The best way to follow this "minhag" - observe your local head honcho getting hitched.

4/18/2007 2:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is no such minhag. There is some ancient non-jewish ritual of this kind, but no basis or source for this in any jewish minhag.

4/19/2007 1:47 PM  
Blogger Steg (dos iz nit der ลกteg) said...

could anonymous cite which non-jewish culture(s) have this custom? that'd be really interesting.

4/19/2007 11:16 PM  
Blogger Lakewood Venter said...

cute post.

4/19/2007 11:17 PM  
Blogger Ben Kahen said...

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http://benjaminkahen.blogspot.com

4/22/2007 6:27 PM  
Anonymous shaya g said...

here's one along the same lines:

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from Alabama, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house.

He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Florida. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking.

He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes
were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Jewish girl from Chicago. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn't see anything, & the second day he didn't see anything.

But by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the
dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper.

4/27/2007 3:50 PM  
Blogger Tzipporah said...

Shaya - LOL!

Now if only I could get Bad Cohen to "see" things my way... :D

4/27/2007 6:17 PM  
Blogger Bad Cohen said...

I knew we left something important out of our wedding ceremony. We still have the shards of the glass somewhere - shall we have a stomp fest and see who wears the pants in this family? The loser has to chose between skirts and onesies.

4/28/2007 10:49 PM  

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