Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Email hazards

Sometimes you have to wonder if it's spam, or just dementia.

All our employees here are firstname@companyname.com. Works well, internally, and makes our correspondents feel like they're getting a nice personal interaction. (Yes, we also have info@, sales@, etc. We have a whole separate way of handling those, which I can't get into without possibly tripping up Google to my online identity.)

Anyhoo, it also makes us sort of vulnerable to spammers who just start sending things to (and sometimes seeming to send them from) any first name they can think of at our company email address.

Oh, and little old ladies.

Did I forget to mention the little old ladies? The ones who sit in airport terminals, furiously typing away (long, manicured nails clickety-clacking several keys at once), rushing to register their displeasure with the airline's lack of attention to their needs?

I wish we could help. Truly, truly, I do.

But we don't own an airline. In fact, with the high cost of fuel these days, I'm not sure it would be a good business move for us.

So I'm afraid there's really nothing we can do about your missing wheelchairs and disgruntled lapdog.

So sorry.


Blogger The back of the hill said...

Apropos of nothing at all, below is the most dangerous blog ever.


And here's an example of its dangerousity:

Worst. Kitten Funeral. Ever. Day!

You've shown ineptitude in the past, but today you've outdone yourself.
It was supposed to be a solemn, respectful occasion, something brief, during which we could quietly turn our thoughts to those two out of seven kittens who were crushed underneath boxes of China when the movers got impatient and decided not to look where they were tossing your valuables. Just something to make the kids feel better about it all. But against your wife's wishes, you said, "I'll take care of everything."

Just a brief eulogy would have been fine. "Sorry we never got to know you," and the like. But no, you had to bring the neighbor's aged cat, Morpheus, up to the lectern (where'd you get a lectern?) with you, and you just had to pretend that Morpheus was the kittens' mother, throwing
your arms around Morpheus' neck and screaming about vengeance for her lost brethren. That was all very cute.

Not so cute? Jumping on the kittens' shoebox coffin. When you got back up, the kids could see the shoebox had been crushed, and they were terrified by what they could only imagine was inside that box.

Yes, it was very classy of you to hire David Sanborn to play taps when the box was being lowered into the grave.

Not so classy: Repeating over and over to the kids that he was charging you $7,000 for the half hour.

It's just a good thing that it's over with. But no one thinks it's cute that you're spending the night outside praying over their grave. Come to bed, asshole.

Happy Worst. Kitten Funeral. Ever. Day!

5/06/2008 6:57 PM  
Blogger The back of the hill said...

Regarding spam, I am lastname at planet dot com. And if you go by what is in my filter on a daily basis, I am three inches too short, can't get it up, want breast implants, need handbags, high-heeled shoes, and watches, and am a Hindu Jew for Jesus who invests heavily in the stock market.

In addition to banking in West-Africa and playing lotteries in Holland, Ireland, Spain, England, and Ghana.

Clearly I have a compulsive personality. But I am in luck! For whatever ails me (damned if I know what it is), there are no-prescription meds and herbal supplements. And I'm elligible for plastic surgery! Blessed be!

Most of the spam e-mails seem to be penis mails, handbags, and stocks, however. The rest are only minor personality quirks.

5/06/2008 8:26 PM  
Blogger The back of the hill said...

I am lastname at planet dot com

Techno-Freudian slip. A lapsus e-calami. Lastname at company dot com. We are universal, but not that universal.

5/06/2008 8:27 PM  
Blogger Z said...

I actually had to change one person's email because she had signed up for so much stuff with her work email that she was getting 200-300 mails per download!!! Unreal.

5/07/2008 11:54 AM  

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