Midianite Manna

Man, starting a bidness is hard!

2012-02-02T22:03:00.003-05:00

First, there's the procrastination factor. As in, yes, sure, I could get another couple hours in on this prototype while The Kid is lost in Legoland, but dinner isn't going to cook itself. And really if I just moved all the furniture in here around *one more time* I might be able to reach the computer and the sewing machine without ever leaving my chair...

Secondly, confidence. I mean, if I spend an hour making dinner I know it will eventually get eaten. Even if it's the next day disguised as "burrito fillings" in someone's lunch. If I keep working on these pieces I'm trying to sell, I could just be making ridiculous gifts that will end up in the back of someone's closet. Gifts because, you know, if I can't sell them my friends and relatives are going to end up with a crapload of presents. (This would be a good time to get your name in on the list for eventual recipients. Go ahead, use the comments.)

Mostly, it's switching back and forth between mom/wife/creative-Jewish-fabric-artist-working-from-a-small-room-upstairs that's making me crazy. What nobody tells you about working from home is that it's hard to enforce your work/home boundaries. Especially with the cats.

In any case, hopefully pics of some of my new pieces will be up here soon. With order forms, and space for encouraging noises.

Gone Fishin.' Or on stike. Whatever.

2012-01-18T09:40:00.003-05:00

I can't seem to stay offline, even when we're supposed to be on strike to protest SOPA. So, in case any of my 3 readers check in, I'm not here today.

Kindergarten. Now with homework.

2012-01-12T09:16:00.003-05:00

My five year old is pretty well adjusted. He can dress himself, build Lego rocket ships, talk in full (if bizarre) sentences and wipe his own bottom - all pretty much the standard requirements for a short person of that age.

When I was a kid, we were also expected to walk to school by ourselves, play in the yard unsupervised, eat graham crackers and warm milk without choking and learn all Pete Seeger songs.

Today's teachers apparently have different expectations. Yes, it's cool that he's learning numbers and reading and differential calculus, but why does my kindergartner have homework?

If he can't learn to write a capital and lowercase "N" in the six hours a day he spends at school, how is an extra 5-10 minutes of practice at home going to help? And why does a teacher think it's appropriate to send homework back as "incomplete" when he colored in only 12 of the 532 shapes on the page? Seriously, lady. It's like she doesn't even know he has Legos at home.

All I can think is that, like training them to stand in line quietly and respond to a loud bell, the homework is step one in indoctrinating a passive workforce, which will do any kind of bullshit busywork they are assigned.

As someone who got through school with straight As by completing all homework in the hallway before class, I'm tempted to start making up my own homework for him and sending it back in with him.

Assignment 1:
Connect the dots to discover which public employees are working against public interests!

Screw pink ribbons. Photobomb!

2011-12-08T22:56:00.004-05:00

Jenny "The Bloggess" Lawson doesn't necessarily have cancer. Since I'm incapable of any real medical help, I can offer only metaphysical support, in the form of expanding her photobomb.

This one's for you, Jenny.

Waiting for The One

2011-11-15T22:58:00.007-05:00

I'm a big fan of This American Life, so it was with some irony that I remembered how I had enjoyed the episode "Cat and Mouse" a few weeks ago, as I now sat with my phone, waiting for the saleswoman to tell me that our couch's delivery date had been pushed back another month. "There's a fabric problem," she reports.

Looking For Loveseats In All The Wrong Places

David Segal
I've known Eric for just about 20 years. And for nearly the entire length of our friendship, he's been hunting quarry that everyone else cornered a long time ago, something nobody really thinks of as the sort of thing you hunt.
Eric
I've been looking for the right sofa for about 18 years.
David Segal
Yes, he said 18 years. And yes, he said sofa.

For the last three months, we've been using our outdoor chaise lounge as a sort of backless, uncomfortable couch, waiting and waiting as the promised "real deal" was put off further and further. At first, it was fun, in a sort of let's-pretend-we're-just-out-of-college way, but that quickly grew old.

Our son has claimed the best piece of existing furniture for himself, sort of like the dog that always knows which is the most expensive thing to shed on. Only with a 5 year old, it's juice and crumbs, instead of fur. On a red, modern, microsuede recliner. (It faces the TV.)

In the evening, a sort of subtle jostling for position happens as Bad Cohen and I negotiate who has more aches and pains, or had a harder day, and deserves the only piece of comfortable furniture.

Before we moved, we sold our ten-year-old couches, the ones that showed all the signs of early marriage (wine! candle wax! ) and parenthood (either you know what I'm talking about or you are not a parent - or maybe you have leather). We hauled them out to the driveway on the sunny day of our garage sale and watched people sitting on them. It's kind of weird to see people you don't know sitting on your couches. In your driveway.

Anyway, they sold fast, being large and comfortable, and we reasoned that without paying to ship them we were ahead on upgrading to something newer. We had no idea that we were so particular. Or that there would be a wait.

Turns out, when your tastes and your partner's are just different enough, you can't buy off the floor from a big retailer without someone feeling like they got screwed. Our final choice, which we both loved, was from a national chain that makes your furniture to order, in 8-12 weeks.

"Oh, I'm sure it will be only about 6 weeks," the saleswoman assured us, as the ink was drying on our signatures. She called back the next day to tell us it might be 10.

I am starting to feel a warm glow in my heart towards IKEA. Or maybe just Goodwill.

"What? What?!?"

Grumpy Gardeners, Jihadists, and Madmen

2011-11-09T08:57:00.002-05:00

Since I still haven't found a full-time gig here, I decided to take a week off as vacation. Meaning I would not spend all week stressing about finding a job. For me, relaxing, really relaxing, means reading:

The Professor and the Madman: A Tale of Murder, Insanity, and the Making of The Oxford English Dictionary
I'm a sucker for historical nonfiction, especially if it has a sexy title. Not a page turner, but a fun read if you're a word geek and/or curious about classism in the treatment of mental illness.

Reamde: A Novel
Neal Stephenson's latest. Hackers, love triangles, jihadists, and a man-eating cougar. The ending is way too neat, but it's hard to put down. If you need a book that will prevent you from paying attention to 90% of what's going on around you, this is a good bet.

The Bad-Tempered Gardener
Anne Wareham is the only garden writer who understands that creating a garden isn't about collecting plants, it's about rearranging your environment to create meaningful experiences. Apparently in the U.K. one is supposed to say only polite things about gardens. Thank goodness she doesn't.

Windy City

2011-10-17T09:04:00.002-04:00

I had no idea that Cleveland would so resemble Chicago. Clearly reinforcements are in order.

Saturday morning we woke up to see a very tilted top sukkah strut outside the living room window. Fearing the worst, I went out and found the sukkah not destroyed, but shifted sideways two feet - with the right side resting in the soft garden dirt, rather than on the patio where it was built. Since it was Shabbat, we left it where it was - too rainy to actually "dwell" in it that day, anyway.

The next morning found all the skakh blown off, as well. With this our one clear day in a forecast of rain, I'm trying to decide whether to take it down completely or try to set it up again and hope it will stay where it's put for a few more days.

Yetzer HaRa

2011-10-13T09:30:00.001-04:00

Here in Cleveland Bad Cohen and I have much more exposure to the frum community than we had in hippieville, Oregon. Having now spent years in virtual conversation with frummies via blogs like DovBear, my natural tendency to provoke people is now leaning towards in-person, rather than online, conversations.

Last Shabbat, Bad Cohen and I were discussing the merits of standing outside one of the local OJ shuls in our skimpiest clothes holding signs saying "Jew: entertain your wife!"
(If you don't get this, I'm not going to explain it)

Because we're all about mitzvot.

New Year, New Shuls

2011-10-08T19:51:00.000-04:00

Part of the "fun" of moving cross-country is trying to find a new shul. Bad Cohen and I are still undecided on affiliation here in the Cleve, but I will share some highlights from the places we visited over the last couple weeks.

- YK morning services in a sanctuary whose Ner Tamid looks like nothing so much as the Eye of Sauron. Yes, 50s chic and all that, but I spent the whole time glancing nervously from my siddur to my hand, to make sure I was still wearing my ring.

- Lovely discussion with a woman lamenting her long-lost sukkah, which got destroyed by a FREAKING TORNADO. "Oh no, that wasn't here," she finally says.

- This afternoon The Kid was freakishly well-behaved, playing nicely in the backyard with minimal oversight while singing to himself. When I finally tuned in to the words, I realized he was singing "Avinu Volcano." Awesome.

L'Shana Tova!

2011-09-28T09:09:00.001-04:00

Culture of Cleveland Heights

2011-09-06T09:41:00.000-04:00

As you may have noticed, I'm losing my mind a little bit from spending every waking moment with a short person who constantly demands attention, food, and/or TV. Tomorrow he starts kindergarten for real; I look forward to getting my brain back.

In the meantime, I've been exercising it by trying to figure out the new neighborhood, anthropology-style. Here are a few of the local cultural rules I am testing:

White women do not mow their own lawns. So far, all lawncare I've witnessed has been done by:

hired black men (as evidenced by the commercial lawncare trailers parked out front while they work) or

black men on their own properties (evidence: lack of said trailer).

Parks are not for children. I'm not sure what they are for, but so far we've met only one other child at any of the local parks, playgrounds, etc. These are well-maintained, well-equipped playgrounds, mind, so it's not like people are avoiding them for safety. NB: we did see deer (mother and fawn) at one local playground, so maybe they are unmarked wildlife preserves.
People expect you to be interested in them. And take an interest in you. Yesterday's grocery trip included being quizzed by a fellow shopper on cuts of meat and cooking methods, and a soliloquy from an elderly woman on the best way to prepare a hot dog. I am not kidding.

More to come, but I need to pry The Kid away from the TV now and take him for his 5-year-old vaccinations so they have no excuse not to take him off my hands tomorrow.

Snow in August

2011-08-25T09:00:00.000-04:00

No, Cleveland weather isn't quite that strange. The Kid found a new activity yesterday - breaking up extra pieces of styrofoam from the move into "snow," otherwise known as a big freaking mess in my living room.

Since I'm kind of at the end of my parenting rope, I let him do it, with a warning that he would have to vacuum it up afterwards. This led to about an hour of vacuuming, during which he used the tiny little attachments to clean the A/C vents and gouge even MORE styrofoam out of the block and straight into the vacuum. Believe me, I'm not complaining - it's the cleanest things have been since we moved in.

A return visit to the Natural History Museum (yes, we got a membership) saw four hours of kid-centered activities, during which I:

petted a taxidermied squirrel
attempted to explain climate change to a 5 year old
prevented any number of near-fatal altercations over using the kid-sized cranes and building equipment
shelled out $19 for lunch and parking, and counted it cheap

Clearly I have used up all my mom resources, since this morning sees me blogging while he watches multiple episodes of "Might Machines" in his pajamas. Stay tuned for news of raiding the local Target for 24 small glue sticks and other ridiculous school supplies.

I love you. Really. Now fuck off.

2011-08-21T21:01:00.000-04:00

My son is adorable. He'll turn 5 this weekend, if he lives that long.

When you're used to dashing off to work every day, dealing with grownups who are, for the most part, logical and interesting even when they're assholes, kids seems great. You see them about 2 hours a day, during which you are either getting them dressed, feeding them, bathing them, cuddling them, or cursing them for not going to sleep. And, you know, weekends, when you realize just why you are so grateful to the fabulous daycare and preschool teachers.

For the last two weeks, it's been nonstop parenting. Every day, all day long, with brief intermissions for traumatic visits to the vet to visit our dying cat (she's fine now) or try to find a single fucking coffee place that isn't Starbucks.

Which is why I was so delighted to discover that Cleveland has a Natural History Museum with real (ok, also simulated) dinosaur skeletons. If there's one thing guaranteed to entrance a small boy for a couple hours, it's dinosaurs, right?

Turns out the problem with exposing The Kid to so many great CGI dinosaur specials before he gets the difference between TV and reality is that bones are boring, compared to seeing them walking around and chasing the host. He did pull a little Ross Geller and start leading us on a tour of the exhibits, telling Bad Cohen and me everything he knew about the animals depicted. He knows a lot.

Anyone with ideas for turning this vast store of knowledge into something that he can use to entertain himself for a few minutes so I can actually unpack or maybe read the news in peace, please write. Please. I'm begging you.

Ohio. Not as bad as Idaho, but...

2011-08-16T07:08:00.000-04:00

Both cats arrived late but traumatized, and we drove to the 80s-chic hotel near our new house at 1am to sleep off the trip. A week later, one of the cats is in the (very expensive) pet hospital with an unknown liver issue, while Bad Cohen is down with a 102+ degree fever and I'm watching the laundry grow to epic proportions because the washer apparently has a short that will kill the computer through some kind of appliancide.

I would relieve the stress with some shrubbery pruning (there's a holly extending a foot into the very narrow driveway), but all of the mosquitoes in the state have converged on our yard. And kindergarten starts a week later than I thought, so The Kid and I have an extra 6 days to continue our battle of wills over how much TV is too much.

Just in case anyone was wondering why I'm not online or, you know, sane.

Snapshots from a move

2011-07-31T10:55:00.000-04:00

Cat exploring the wall of boxes. After sniffing at the tall, narrow box for our framed pictures, she decides to jump in. "I'm not stuck. I'm cozy!"
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The only thing better than people who take your kid for a while so you can pack are people who take your kid for a while and then make you dinner.
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Yes, the appliances all work. No, I'm not kidding - we will throw in a free blender if you take away the grill RIGHT NOW.
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It's a little weird to see other people sitting on your couch. In your driveway.
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No, Kid, bubble wrap is too expensive to spread out on the floor of the carport and ride your tricycle back and forth over it.

Jews have too many damn dishes

2011-07-28T00:43:00.000-04:00

Fine china set (for Shabbat). Everyday dishes. Passover dishes.

Add in milk/meat for real kosher folks, and OMFG. Seriously. The whole "wandering Jew" thing must be a myth - who could move around constantly if they had to pack up this many dishes every time?!?

People don't want books, they want reading.

2011-07-21T12:08:00.000-04:00

There's an entrepreneurial adage that emerged in the last 10 years that goes, "don't sell anything that Amazon can deliver cheaper." That is, channels of distribution are changing. Retail, especially, is changing. Starting up a brick and mortar bookstore, music store, video store, makes little sense.*

But this doesn't mean people are not willing to spend money on books, music, movies, etc. Or that established retailers who stick to sound business planning will necessarily get hosed by online competitors. As Dennis Johnson of Moby Lives points out, big retailers are more likely to get hosed by their own bad decisions:

"If there’s anything to take away from the Borders story, it’s this: It doesn’t at all represent that fewer people want to buy print books. It represents that fewer big corporations want to sell them."

So why do these myths about the big bad Amazon wolf continue? I think it's because so many companies don't understand what business they're in. Borders, and to some extent Barnes & Noble, decided they were in the business of creating large, expensive retail space for physical things. What most of us know is that they were really selling a coffee-break-with-a-book.

The best thing about Borders was always those big comfy chairs, where you could browse at leisure through the topics of your choice, and maybe find something to buy. And get a cup of coffee and some crappy baked goods. And that experience is what made us remember them when it was time to go back and buy a birthday present for someone (great art books!) or entertain a child for a few minutes (the kids' section!).

And that experience is NOT something Amazon can offer.

*Of course there are always exceptions, especially if you're exploiting an emerging niche market.

HT: Norcross

Insomnia

2011-07-14T11:26:00.000-04:00

Our impending move has been doing great things for my social life. Suddenly, people we haven't seen in months are clamoring to get together one last time before we're gone. And last night we got to chat with almost every member of our shul, at a big farewell party for our junior rabbi, who has decided to switch careers, in an effort to spend more time with his remaining limbs. Or maybe that was the Care of Magical Creatures teacher, sorry.

So, with all the fun stuff, I was surprised to find myself flopping back and forth, fretting and sighing in the middle of the night. What had me awake wasn't the packing or logistics, or anything to do with us, really. I was thinking about a family thousands of miles away, and how their lives had changed in a single afternoon from an unpredictable tragedy.

I've always been kind of a free-range parent, believing that experience is the best teacher. I let The Kid climb trees and rocks, play in the backyard by himself while I make dinner, and run around in the park with his friends, even behind trees where I can't see them for 30 seconds at a time. It's not always easy, since, let's face it, he's a small boy and his judgment isn't always the best. He gets scrapes and bruises, bee stings, fights and collisions. But I want him to learn that he can cope with these things.

What I kept replaying over and over in my head last night was the fact that this sweet little boy disappeared on the first day his parents had allowed him to walk home by himself.

He knew the way. He'd done the route for weeks, with a parent. He asked for them to trust him, and they did. They didn't realize he was also asking them to trust in the basic decency of humanity.

What must the world look like, when your trust is betrayed in the worst possible way? How can they ever feel safe in this world again? I kept The Kid on a shorter leash than usual at the shul picnic last night, but I know my anxiety is temporary. Theirs is forever. My heart and my prayers go out to them, and to their whole community. Baruch Dayan Emet.

Lemons to lemonade? Loving what is.

2011-07-07T17:46:00.000-04:00

I'm working on being grateful for good things, so my challenge for myself for today was to make a list of all the GOOD things that come from moving our whole family across the country.

There will be wardrobe boxes to play with/in after unpacking. (Trust me, with a 4/5 year old, this is HUGE)

I can try out some new square-foot gardening type ideas by using only my outdoor pots for the rest of the summer.

I will get to meet LOTS of cool new people

Perhaps I, too, will be Hot in Cleveland

I finally won't have to share a bathroom with my cats' litter box! (yay, basements)

Lots of new restaurants to try

The first real break from my job in 7 years (of course, I need a new one...)

Rearranging furniture etc. in a whole new house (I actually love doing this)

OK, that's all I can do for now. What about you? What upcoming stressful thing can you turn into a list of things to look forward to?

The Asshole at the Party

2011-07-05T18:20:00.001-04:00

Once you have children over the age of one, you find it necessary to rearrange your social life around other friends with kids. For one thing, going to the home of another family with young children means you won't spend the whole time shadowing your child, shrieking things like "No! The crystal vase is not for licking!" For another, they won't look at you like you're insane if you suggest a 5pm dinnertime.

I've always found it easier to invite over friends whose children are roughly the same age as, or slightly younger than, The Kid. Those with an older child (unless we're talking teenagers or girls) are, um, difficult. The older kids are bored with The Kid's toys, or want to use them in, let's say, "creative" new ways that involve lots of "pow pow!" noises, or things getting stuck in trees. Sometimes those things are other, smaller children.

This weekend, we were invited to a lovely 4th of July cookout with family friends. The Kid, who'd pretty much been a jerk all weekend after a stomach bug upset his sleep cycle, was excited for the party and promised to behave well. Ha ha ha.

When there were only three children - mine and two 3 year olds - it was lovely. Then there were more small children. And then suddenly The Kid was pushing a 2 year old backwards into a wading pool, while my husband and I had the silent, telepathic "you be the parent, I'm enjoying my adult conversation over here" fight. (I lost.)

So yes, my charming child has now become the asshole at the party. I need a compensation prize. Maybe a margarita.

Moving is like Pesach

2011-06-21T14:39:00.000-04:00

Working to clean out the freezer full of leftovers before August. Lunch was Lamb stew from January. Mmmm...

Excellent Infographic

2011-06-07T13:55:00.000-04:00

Rachel Maddow has come up with the best infographic I've seen in weeks, "The Post-Bill Clinton Modern American Political Sex-Scandal Consequence-O-Meter."

She places various politicians' indiscretions clearly along the two axes that matter, in terms of newsworthiness and actual relevance: More to Less Creepy, and More to Less Prosecutable.

It has clear, easily understandable axes.

The measurements are relevant. "Creepy" explains why the scandal has emotional appeal, "Prosecutable" applies an objective moral/ethical standard to the actions which have actual legal consequences.

The layout allows for easy comparison of various incidents/personalities that have widely differing details.

Enjoy:

No Power to the People

2011-06-01T15:15:00.000-04:00

Oxfam, that wonderful organization which tries to ensure that nobody goes hungry, has a new campaign they've labeled "Grow." The point is to turn from food waste and practices that impede small farmers to full food use and stable environmental, legal, and economic climates for community farms.

They have a section on their website called "What Can I Do?"

You can watch a video, and forward it to friends who also have no power!

You can sign a petition to people who don't give a shit about you or your opinions because you don't have enough economic power to make them do anything!

And, coming soon, you can blog about it. I kid you not.

Just like every other social justice and human rights issue today, there is nothing that the citizens of supposedly the most powerful nation on earth can do about any of this, because we are no longer a functioning democracy, if indeed we ever were.

The problem in global hunger is that the interests of ordinary people (having enough food) are not aligned with those of their governments, big business, or the international monetary-rape coalitions that their governments are beholden to.

So long as we continue to disagree on whether fundamental human needs such as food and health care are "privileges" rather than rights, we will remain powerless.

Sorry for the lame

2011-05-31T00:48:00.001-04:00

I'm planning a cross-country move and tricking out my resume, so naturally I've got nothing but snark. Saving that for interviews.

In the meantime, please accept the offering of these "Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Videos" that a coworker sent me. I think he's trying to get me to change my mind.

And the sequel (sorry, embedding is disabled)

"Our main export is crippling depression... but at least we're not Detroit!"

Stormy Weather...

2011-05-25T16:16:00.000-04:00

La Nina is kind of a bitch. Another reason to look forward to Cleveland.

Guess which line is the forecast for the Pacific Northwest, and which one is Cleveland?

Sexism in Infographics

2011-05-23T17:18:00.001-04:00

There are plenty of jokes about female drivers, but statistically, we have fewer (and less serious) accidents than men. Enough so that adding a woman driver to your account can lower your car insurance premiums.

So how in the world did insurance company I-Mingle let this "safe driving" infographic past an initial review? Apparently, female drivers are the symbolic equivalent of just-slightly-better-than-a-16-year-old...

Making changes

2011-05-16T14:19:00.000-04:00

This weed was large. It was, in fact, a pine bush: almost 4 feet tall and 5 feet around, bushy, verdant, vibrant. Happy and healthy. And growing where it did not belong - at the foot of our driveway, where it constantly threatened to blind us to oncoming pedestrians, reach out over the sidewalk and snag some passerby, and shade the roses out of existence.

A plant growing where you don't want it is a weed. Any plant. No, really. Grass on the lawn is great - grass in the garden is a weed.

At first, I thought, "let's just prune it up a little." A snip here, a cut there, just to let some more light through and improve the shape. But the more I cut, the better I felt. And the worse the bush looked. I've done this before, so it's not that I'm bad at it, it's just that this particular bush needed to be full and lush to look its best. The Kid, watching this from the grass strip nearby, suggested that we just cut it down.

Cut it down?

Cut it DOWN!

With a saws-all, cutting it down was the easy part. I spent quite a while trying to shove fragrant piney-smelling branches into the yard waste bin, avoiding the sight of the giant stump left behind. Then it started to rain, and we called it a day. Of course, the next morning, there it was. Staring me down. Taunting me.

I went for the saws-all again, taking it easy at first, cutting off feeder roots, and then using my mattock to scrape away the dirt around the base of the stump. After an hour and a half, my husband offered to go to the hardware store and buy a chainsaw as an early birthday present. Oh HELL to the no - this thing was NOT going to make a mockery of my masculinity. Err, well, you know what I mean.

In gardening, as in almost everything else, there are times when you have to admit that you simply cannot do a job well without the proper tools. You can improvise, you can push and pull and hack and strain, and sometimes it just doesn't get you anywhere until you step back and bring in the big guns.

This was not one of those times.

After cutting its ties to the biggest root, I pulled that sucker straight out of the ground. Just me and my muscles.

Sometimes, when you want something badly enough, you just need to go for it.

Unhappy hipsters

2011-05-12T13:45:00.000-04:00

My new favorite site. This is Reality Bites, 15 years later.

"With her eyes closed, water tickling the tips of her fingers, she could conjure memories of a time before the bomb, before the zombies. "

(Photo: Daniel Hennessy; Dwell, June 05)

not the hotel stureplan

2011-05-06T14:31:00.001-04:00

In Good Company

2011-05-06T13:08:00.000-04:00

There's Passover! And Bad Cohen is still finishing his thesis. Oh, and The Kid needs a bigger bed, and a bike. And...

It's amazing what excuses I can come up with for not dealing with something difficult. Fortunately, I'm starting to feel more optimistic about our impending move to C..C..C..

Cleveland.

There, I said it. We're moving to Cleveland. In about 3 months.

Leaving behind our families, my garden (!) and everything our son has ever known, except of course his parents, so Bad Cohen can get a PhD. I'm a little freaked out.

I'm also really excited. Turns out I already know one really fabulous person who lives there (you know who are are, rebbetzin), and am getting to know some more. Hooray, blogging!

In Memoriam

2011-04-22T15:40:00.000-04:00

Last year at this time, the BP gulf spill had just happened, but our family didn't really notice. We were dealing a tragedy closer to home. On April 19th, 2010, Bad Cohen's dad died from a sudden and unexpected stroke while on a trip to New York, at the ripe age of 66.

Only a week or two after he had led the family seder, heard his youngest grandchild sing Mah Nishtana for the first time, he was gone. Last week, reading The Fifth Passover Question: Who's Going to Lead The Seder? was sadly relevant.

Because it's a leap year, his first yahrzeit doesn't come until mid-May. So we are stuck with an awkward extra month, in which we haven't unveiled his headstone, in which we are still experiencing new "firsts" (the first family seder without him), but the secular calendar says a year has passed.

The apple and plum trees are blooming; I'm putting in new flowers and bushes in a corner of the yard where, 12 years ago, he and my brother-in-law dumped the excavated dirt from building the deck where my son now plays. He would have loved it - a new shady spot to sit and watch the kids play when the rest of the yard is hot in the summer sun.

We still miss you, Opa.

Peeps Passover

2011-04-15T11:43:00.000-04:00

an oldy but goody. If you have never seen the Flickr set for Passover Peeps, you've never truly "experienced" the Exodus.

See them all on Flickr

Snow Pants and Toboggans

2011-04-14T23:33:00.000-04:00

We're going to Cleveland.

(please ignore the noise, that's just me frantically purging books, furniture, etc. as I deal with the thought of moving again.)

Veggie Seder Redux

2011-04-10T23:14:00.000-04:00

We're having the same vegetarian friends over for 1st night seder this year, and Bad Cohen is still on his restricted diet. So now the meal has to fit all the same Passover menu issues from last year, but be new and innovative. But at least I've made sure someone is bringing matzah ball soup.

This year's menu, so far:

During seder

Crudite and artichoke dip

Charoset

Matzah

Hard-boiled eggs

Dinner

Veggie matzah ball soup

Gefilte fish (Bad Cohen won't eat it, but everyone else can)

Roasted vegetables (sweet potato, cauliflower, butternut squash chunks)

Cucumber, fennel, and onion Israeli-style salad w/herbs

Bean or lentil based stew, prob with Moroccan spices

Lemon cake w/lemon curd and strawberries

Beatles' Seder Playlist

2011-04-07T16:44:00.000-04:00

Amy Meltzer at Homeshuling is proposing a fun-for-grownups seder theme: Beatles!

I got a little hooked on the idea, so to help her along, here's a playlist:

Honey Badger Zen

2011-04-07T13:41:00.000-04:00

I'm thinking of inviting the Honey Badger to Passover this year. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't pester me with questions about whether what we're serving conforms to his demanding and contradictory diet, or the brand of matzah I bought, or whether I ACTUALLY checked for chametz on the top of the kitchen cupboards where we store things we never use.

Which makes me wonder, why doesn't Sassy Gay Friend ever interrupt someone going crazy with Pesach cleaning to say, "What, what WHAT are you doing?!"

This is disgusting, people.

2011-04-06T16:14:00.001-04:00

Ok, I'm all for Passover cleaning, but do I really need to wait until the week before to clean out my "snacks" drawer at work? It's sort of like cleaning under the couch cushions. Only much, much deeper. Disturbing that I'd still choose this chore over starting my taxes.

Snow vs. Squish

2011-04-01T11:28:00.000-04:00

We are faced with the choice of moving to one of two places so Bad Cohen can continue his grad school career:

Santa Barbara: 3 of us crammed into 650 sq. ft. student housing with no yard, nice weather but everything is crazy expensive

Cleveland: we could buy a farmhouse outright, but it snows 7 months of the year and I might not be able to find a job

Opinions?

Colchicine coupons

2011-03-30T16:50:00.000-04:00

Bad Cohen is one of many Sephardi-descended Jews who has inherited a problematic gene collection. In his case, among other things, it includes Familial Mediterranean Fever (FMF).

If you don't need to Google that term, you probably know about the recent price gouging in the treatment of this condition by URL Pharma. After roughly 14 centuries of use, colchicine has finally been "tested" in a clinical trial. One that used 184 patients, and "proved" what everyone already knew: colchicine is safe and effective in treating gout and FMF, within certain dosage guidelines we already knew about.

For their efforts, big pharma was given exclusive patent rights to colchicine for 3 years for gout patients, and SEVEN years for FMF patients. Why the difference? Gout sufferers can take aspirin. FMF patients have no other options.

Oh, and the fun part is that they raised the price. From 10 cents per pill to $5 per pill.

After all the negative press they got, they did issue some "coupons" for up to $75 off your monthly Rx copay for colcrys (their brand-name version of the formerly generic drug).

You can get yours here: Colchicine coupons

An army of kittens

2011-03-27T23:07:00.000-04:00

Bad Cohen let The Kid watch Star Wars, Ep. VI (Return of the Jedi, death of Jabba do Hut, Yoda dies, Ewoks) last night. He forgot to tell me I should cover The Kid's eyes during the Rancor scene.

I thought he'd already seen it.

Goddamit.

As a consequence, The Kid woke me up every 20 minutes from 11pm to 2am, by which point, we had figured out why he was freaking out (the Rancor) and how to combat it (the very same superpowered imagination that freaked him out in the first place).

Remember how you deal with Boggarts? Kids' actual imaginary monsters are pretty much the same. Imagine them looking silly. Ridiculous, even. Get the Kid to laugh at them, and you're pretty much home free. Unless you have my kid. Who wants to stay up making ever-more ridiculous scenarios about the monster when you really just want to go the fuck back to bed. As a result, we now know that Rancors:

Wear rollerskates, but have very poor balance

Are leery of balloons, especially if they are balloon animals

Like to wear pink fluffy scarves

Are terrified of kittens. The fluffier, the worse.

They also have a fondness for lollipops, and a tendency to get them stuck to their faces, just out of reach.

He now settles himself for sleep by picturing the army of kittens around his bed. And by practicing making balloon animals.

St. Patty's Day Awareness

2011-03-17T19:28:00.000-04:00

Although part-Irish myself, I have never had to suffer the discrimination some of my friends and relatives have. Thanks to Tim Minchin for pointing out the real message of St. Patty's Day.

Alien-walrus-frog

2011-03-14T17:18:00.000-04:00

UPDATED: with ridiculous pictures

Not a new pet. This is the descriptive name for what happened when I tried to create a T-Rex head for The Kid's Purim costume. I'll post a picture later. (Yes, that's a promise, not a threat)

The terrifying view from below...

What you can't see is that it's mounted on a green child-sized baseball cap, and made roundish by an inflatable plastic globe.

Amazingly enough, he didn't want to wear it. Phht. He's clearly no Lady Gaga.

I'll have what he's having

2011-03-07T15:20:00.000-05:00

Sean Parker, famous entrepreneur, as quoted in a lunch interview with John Gapper:

"Solving specific problems is what drives me. I am not interested in having a career. I never have been," he says. "This in no way resembles a career. I think a career is something your father brings home in a briefcase every night, looking kind of tired."

Yes, that exactly. Who could stay interested in just one thing, once the problem has been solved?

Identity: It's not all about you

2011-03-04T11:26:00.000-05:00

San Franciscoans are set make circumcision illegal. And probably not because they're squeamish about body piercing, but because it's about identity, damnit.

hat-tip Vicki Boykis:

"circumcision contravenes some essential liberal values. It is evidence of a sexual double standard. It’s a painful and bloody rite whose purpose doesn’t lie in any immediate medical need. It marks a boy as a member of a group in a way that precedes his own decision-making, challenging the individualistic belief in a self-created identity."

Tablet Magazine

Is community incompatible with self-determination?

Career Advice from Hipster Kitty

2011-02-28T17:22:00.000-05:00

It's all about specialization, right?

Dictator is an unstable career choice

2011-02-14T16:32:00.000-05:00

When I do the Meyers-Briggs personality type thing, I always end up as INTJ.
In essence, driven to understand things and then put them into practice - without any outside input, thankyouverymuch. Can't stand being "managed" let alone micromanaged, and very tough on others, with my high expectations. Equally tough on myself.

The common moniker for this type is The Mastermind (no I'm not making that up).

I've been using this to try to figure out my next career move, and happened on another personality test with a different set of criteria - the "SLOAN" test (which seems fairly ridiculous), but I loved my result: I have an "egocentric" personality. It also suggested a list of possible careers, headed off by dictator, assassin, international spy, entrepreneur, and stock broker.

Unfortunately, dictator doesn't seem like a good career move right now.

The Revolution will not be televised. It will, however, be Tweeted.

I thought it would be fun to compare the two test results' career recommendations - surely, anywhere there's an overlap, I've got an affinity, right?

Aeronautical Engineer, Astronomer, Writer/Editor, Computer Programmer, Investment/Business Analyst, Judge, Management Consultant, Military Officer/Mercenary/Military Intelligence, Strategic Planner

Interestingly, I've already done 3 of these professions. Guess which ones.

Also, too bad that "assassin" wasn't on the INTJ list. I hear they make good money.

Kiddie Kristallnacht

2011-02-11T13:22:00.000-05:00

Marjorie Ingall has a great discussion of what makes a good first-Shoah book over at Tablet.

As a mother raising a little boy whose great-grandfather hid in the real-life equivalent of the KitKat Club on Kristallnacht, and was an active member of the street kid resistance, I was fairly apalled at her description of "Benno and the Night of Broken Glass." You can be sure that our son will hear a different story, one in which people actually had and made tough choices to do the right thing.

I'd like to think my son is years away from this sort of thing, but the truth is that it's woven so intricately into my husband's family history, and he's already so well acquainted with tragedy and losing people we love, that the Shoah will no doubt come up earlier than I want. I'm glad to have such a great guide to meaningful, child-appropriate ways of discussing it.

hat-tip to Vicki Boykis for directing me to Ingalls' writing.

For good resumés, read copyblogger

2011-02-10T14:13:00.000-05:00

Copywriting is about selling stuff, usually by creating both an image and feeling within a prospect.

Resumés are about selling yourself, in as brief a space as possible.

My new best career advice: write your resume like a copywriter. You're the product. Sell it.

(How does this apply? Look at this piece on using specifics, rather than generalizations, in your writing. Now think of it in terms of the advice to list specific achievements, rather than responsibilities, in your resumé.)

A Modest Proposal

2011-02-02T13:43:00.000-05:00

Once again, Penelope Trunk (or rather, one of her guest bloggers) has put her finger on something I've been thinking about for a few weeks now. As a society, we have moved from a one-wage-earner-one-homemaker model to a working-parent model, but without finding a real solution to the domestic labor gap this causes.

One can hire others to do childcare, cleaning, cooking, etc., but only if you greatly reduce your standard of living in other ways - for the majority of us, this kind of help is too expensive. The most common results are either:

domestic labor becomes "invisible" - it is an added labor tax which women perform during their unpaid (aka "leisure") time
individual women limit their time in the paid workforce in order to take care of the necessary domestic chores, thus subjecting themselves to lower earning potential, and dismissal as "less-committed" workers.

The one obvious solution - men contributing more domestic labor as a tradeoff for not having to be the sole wage earner - has not generally occurred, although individual cases vary. Structurally, men today ARE doing more than their fathers or grandfathers did at home, but not enough to make up for the lack of a full-time homemaker, and not anywhere near as much as working women do in their "spare" time.

Since men are either naturally or culturally incapable of filling in this gap, I submit the following modest proposal.

To keep our economy going, we should reinstitute a draft, this time domestic instead of military, requiring anyone 18-21 to spend time working as a low-paid domestic.

Not only will they gain valuable life skills and help working families to make the most of their time and income, they will, by making domestic work a paid endeavor, contribute to our GDP and economic well-being.

See, folks? Job creation isn't that hard.

Oh Thank God

2011-01-27T16:21:00.000-05:00

It's so awkward taking my son to the park, sometimes.

Or daycare.

Or relatives' houses.

Luckily, I now have the perfect accessory: Mommy business cards. Thanks, Jenny!

Too many bats in the belfry

2011-01-25T18:51:00.000-05:00

Haven't posted lately because I can't get my mind to settle down to one thing. Here's what I've been thinking of lately:

Are American women as a whole better or worse off now that we are largely in the paid workforce (and thus have independent means) but have no domestic help?
What kind of "success" do I really want for my son, and is my parenting leading him in that direction?
Is it better to go off my meds and be angry but care about things again, or to stay on them and be less angry but more apathetic about my career/life/health etc.?

Like chocolate and peanut butter

2011-01-18T16:03:00.000-05:00

Airing next week on the Travel Channel:

Kim Jong-Il Looking At Sarah Palin's Alaska

("I once caught a fish THIS big!"

("Yah, sure, yabetcha did...")

Surreality, anyone?

2011-01-12T13:41:00.000-05:00

Since we've already got Sarah Palin crying "blood libel" and thinking that SHE'S the real victim of the Arizona shooting, I thought some more absurdity was appropriate. Enjoy.

pic from kimjongillookingatthings.tumblr.com

Kiss my grits, 2010!

2011-01-04T00:07:00.000-05:00

You know, Bad Cohen and I got married in 2001. We hoped for a monolith. Or at least a giant space baby. Bupkis.

But now, finally, it's 2011, and the future is here! Jet packs! Robot maids! Flying cars!

No, really...

Jet packs

Robot maids

Flying cars

One more year before APOCALYPSE

2011-01-02T23:41:00.000-05:00

Me, I plan on eating plenty of chocolate, enjoying my son (when I'm not yelling at him), and working on plans for my floating ark.

So, what are you going to do in the last year before the Mayan calendar reboots itself?

Deja Jew

2010-12-25T22:56:00.000-05:00

Went for a brisk walk this morning to clear my head, and had an amazing realization:

Christmas is the one day of the year when America feels like Shabbat in Jerusalem.

Everything's closed. Nobody's driving. It's QUIET.

(Of course, on Shabbat you're probably not using the one day stores are closed to revel in unbridled commercialism at home with loved ones, but still...)

Workplace Grinch Hero

2010-12-20T19:31:00.000-05:00

Given that she says stuff like "don't report sexual harrassment at work; it's bad for your career," I'm surprised that P. Trunk's (2006) post on not doing Christmas at work is considered controversial. But I love it. The kind of honest perspective that can come from someone with Asperger's:

Christmas at the office is bad for diversity

Atheist with Blinders On

2010-12-16T15:17:00.000-05:00

If you told me that an atheist gets his feathers ruffled in a Christian community less than a Jew, I'd normally be surprised. After all, the historical U.S. bias in favor of religion and religious practice (so long as it's monotheist) is pretty clear.

However, that assumption was just challenged by a post a friend of mine linked to (presumably, as representing his own view as well).

The author of An Open Letter To Christians: Merry Christmas From An Atheist apparently doesn't know anyone who's a religous minority. Otherwise, how could he say:

"But ultimately, everyone I know enjoys the holiday and if asked seriously, I doubt they would change a thing."

Then you must not know any Jews.

We're certainly not out to make a "War on Christmas," (your freedom is my freedom, etc.), but there are plenty of us who hate the holiday *as forced on all of us in every f-ing store display and musical selection for 6+weeks every year*.

As a practicing Jew, I really prefer that people say "Merry Christmas" if that's what they mean.

When someone says "Happy Holidays," I know for sure that they don't have any idea what holidays there are besides Christmas. Otherwise, why would they limit that greeting to the Christmas season? Why don't they say "Happy Holidays" in the spring or early fall, knowing that Jews are celebrating their truly significant holidays then (Purim, Passover, Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, etc.). Why don't they say "Happy Holidays" in the late fall, when Hindus are celebrating Diwali? Or in late winter, for Chinese New Year?

I like Christmas lights. I like Christmas music. What I don't like is the assumption that everyone does or should celebrate Christmas.
Either it's truly a secular holiday, in which case get rid of the baby J talk and make it all about happy old fat men in red suits, or it's a religious holiday, in which case, recognize that there are plenty of other religions out there, this is NOT a universal holiday, and you shouldn't expect any special accommodation for it (National holiday anyone) any more than you'd expect to give for Eid, Mahashivaratri, Samhain, Lughnasa, Shavuot, Confucious' birthday, etc. etc. etc.

Can you trick yourself into happiness?

2010-12-13T19:16:00.000-05:00

I try to keep up with Penelope Trunk's blog, partly because she has some good advice, partly because she's so freaking crazy it's entertaining, but mostly because she makes me think.

She says stuff that makes me instantly angry, and then I get to think about why I'm angry, and whether I'm angry because she's challenging my assumptions, or because her assumptions are so, so very wrong the only appropriate response is a verbal smack-upside-the-head. Sort of like the verbal indignation I could get into in the comment threads over at DovBear's, before all the good trolls left.

Her most recent posts have me rethinking whether I really want to be happy - given that I've set myself to be able to be happy OR right, but not both.

Do I want to be happy, by accepting the fact that Bad Cohen really is permanently disabled, and re-imagining what our future life will be like, given that he can't work for pay or at home at anything like even his former capacity (he's a lazy git, but then so am I, so that used to be ok), or do I want to keep feeling oppressed and indignant and confused that *everyone* around me seems to be more well-off, financially?

Penelope links to Ben Bernanke's commencement speech at some Southern college, where he mentions (of course) Easterlin's studies on happiness. Have you ever noticed that you can be perfectly happy living in cheap quarters, being poor (the Western definition of "poor" of course, in which you still have running water and heat), as well as with a good expensive Scotch and a nice house, etc? We adjust. So long as we're not worse off than the majority of the people we spend time with, we think we're doing pretty well.

I was happy being poor and struggling after college, because so were all my friends.

But what happens when you're 35, working all the time at a job that doesn't interest you, just so you can make enough to pay for daycare and medical bills (and maybe heat), when all your friends are doing fascinating jobs, living in beautiful and/or giant houses, taking vacations, etc.?

Maybe I need to make friends with some single moms who are struggling. Or find some other grad students with kids who are broke and stressed out.

But of course, I really love living somewhere quiet, somewhere with a garden, somewhere where I don't have to feel constantly bombarded by noise and other people. And that takes money (or a family house, like the one we're squatting in now--although I'd prefer one with up-to-code electricity and plumbing and insulation).

The more we focus on what we can't control, the more miserable we get. (there's science behind this, I'm just too lazy a git to go find a link)

SO, I figure I can jump-start happiness either by convincing myself I'm actually in control of what's happening, by getting involved in Bad Cohen's doctoral program search and choosing to embrace the next really sucky step in our lives, or by giving up on the idea of personal wealth and stability and focusing on very, very small things I CAN actually control, like what I eat, or repainting the kitchen, or trying not to smack The Kid when he drives me crazy for the fifth time in a single hour.

Clearly, reading Penelope Trunk is likely to make you just as crazy as she is.

Don't say you weren't warned.

Maybe it's just the latkes talking...

2010-12-06T14:42:00.000-05:00

but I'm totally ready to watch The Star Wars Holiday Special.

picture via Cracked, which also offers 8 Questions Gentiles Love Asking About Hanukkah , with helpful suggested answers like this:

"Yes, and then the Easter Bunny and Santa used that burning oil to light their way as they traveled to the land of vaguely retarded Holiday stories you tell small children."

Chag Sameach, y'all.

Hanukah fun

2010-12-03T13:30:00.000-05:00

Here at Casa Midiana, we're gearing up for the annual Hanukkah smorgasbord. (Hey, what's a Swedish Jew to do? Latkes, herring, Glögg, it's all good!) While I go back to convincing The Kid that no, he can't have all his presents on the same night, here are some fun and enlightening links for your enjoyment.

History
Caught this great interview on NPR with Dianne Ashton, professor of American Studies at Rowan University, the other day. (Listen to it here)

It was a way for the Jewish community to be a part of something that was happening in America.

"They didn't see Christmas as something they could do easily because it's Christian, but they did want to do something like that because it was American," Ashton says.

Hanukkah began to change again between 1880 and 1920, when more than 2 million Jewish immigrants came to the U.S. from Eastern Europe.

"It became an occasion for them to do activities in the U.S. that they really couldn't do freely," she says. "They had concerts in public halls, and restaurants had Hanukkah specials."

Mockery
Stephen Colbert and John Stewart: Can I Interest You in Hanukah?

Fun Suprise
I can't wait to be there when Nefesh b'Nefesh does "The Kaparot Flash Mob".

Hag Sameach, y'all!

UPDATE:
One more video, via Yo Yenta, because it was just too awesome not to share:

New TSA requirements

2010-11-22T14:36:00.000-05:00

Everybody's up in arms about the new "pat-down" procedures. I thought really, people, we're an advanced country here, we can figure this out.

So here are my suggestions for actually effective airport screening:

1. Temperature sensors.Use those "scanners" to sense important things. Like, anyone with a temp above 99 degrees gets a choice of wearing a hazmat suit throughout the flight, or getting their temperature confirmed through a simple rectal measurement. No more germs!

2. Screaming child alert.No, this isn't about keeping off screaming children. What happens is, while you're waiting in that interminable line, you're subjected to the sound of a crying baby, on a loop. Anyone who rolls their eyes or starts looking around to make a mean face at families gets pulled aside for further questioning, including probing queries such as: have you always been an ass, or did this start when you hit adulthood?

3. Chatty Kathy-alyzer.During security screening, each passenger will be asked to state the nature of his or her trip. Those whose answers exceed 10 seconds will be seated next to each other in a special "Chatty Kathy" section, where they can share with each other all they want, while the rest of us read books, sleep, and generally ignore each other as God intended.

Origin of Species

2010-11-16T16:04:00.000-05:00

A musical response to DovBear:

Origin Of Species by Chris Smither

(lyrics)
Well, Eve told Adam
Snakes? I've had 'em!
Let's get outta here!
Go raise this family someplace outta town.

They left the garden just in time
With the landlord cussin' right behind.
They headed East,
and they finally settled down.

One thing led to another:
A bunch of sons,
One killed his brother
And they kicked him out with nothin' but his clothes.

And the human race survived
'Cause all those brothers found wives
But where they came from
Ain't nobody knows.

Then came the flood
Go figure...
Just like New Orleans only bigger.
No one who couldn't swim would make it through.

The lucky ones were on a boat
Think "circus"
And then make it float
I hope nobody pulls the plug on you!

How they fed that crowd is a mystery.
It ain't down in the history,
but it's a cinch they didn't
live on cakes and jam.

Lions don't eat cabbage
And in spite of that old adage,
I ain't never seen one
Lie down with a lamb.

Well, Charlie Darwin looked so far
Into the way things are.
He caught a glimpse of God's
unfolding plan.

God said: "I'll make some DNA"
They can use it any way they want
From paramecium
Right up to man."

"They'll have sex
And mix up sections of their code
They'll have mutations...
The whole thing works like clockwork over time."

"I'll just sit back in the shade
While everyone gets laid.
That's what I call
Intelligent design."

Yeah, you and your cat named Felix,
Both wrapped up in that double helix,
Is what we call
Intelligent design.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

2010-11-08T19:41:00.001-05:00

This is what's been eating the spinach in my garden.

There's a reason possums have never been popular as pets.

The little magazine that couldn't

2010-11-05T15:52:00.001-04:00

..grasp what them Interwebs was about...

If you haven't heard about the Cooks Source scandal, read this.

Then go to their facebook page, and enjoy the comments. You can "like" them to get in on the fun.

For more hilarity, you can see how they tried to make a new Facebook page that wasn't "hacked."

I don't know what's funnier - the comments, or the fact that they still don't get it.

I'm here

2010-11-03T11:10:00.000-04:00

just busy.

And pissed about election results.

So, in the meantime, read this:

It’s possible that Misty is just fucking with me, but I really doubt it.

The Real Deal

2010-10-15T12:19:00.001-04:00

For several years now, I've been "stuck" - in my job, in my life, in my goals.

I went through several months with a pretty good "life coach" and left without any idea of what I wanted to do with my life.

I thought that I was just lost.

Turns out, I've been lost for over 30 years. And suddenly, I'm not.

-----------------
One of my earliest memories is sitting on the stairs in my house with a book on my lap, crying.

"What's the matter, honey?" asks my mom.

"I can't do it! I can't read!" I wail, despairing that the teacher will hate me, that I've let my family down.

I was 5 years old.

By fourth grade, the anxiety was so high that when I was placed in a "gifted" group where we got together with students from the local college once a week to write and read original stories, I was copying stories from the school library over by hand to turn in as "my" work, terrified they would find out I wasn't really as smart as they thought I was. I remember my internal humiliation when my mother told her father all about the great stories I was writing.

That was the same year I panicked going into a geography test, and got caught cheating. For the rest of the year at that school, my nickname was "Cheater." That scarring experience drilled into me that cheating wasn't a good choice for faking high performance, so it never happened again.

And I never let my parents find out.

Throughout high school, college, grad school, I knew that my good grades and success weren't real - I had just successfully fooled people into thinking that I was good. Every good grade brought temporary relief; every new assignment brought dread that I would fail and be revealed, and a life-or-deat effort to maintain the illusion I had so carefully built, that I was competent.

----------------------------

It sounds corny, but it was actually an Oprah magazine that changed all this.

The latest issue has an entire section on figuring out what career is right for you, what's holding you back, how to find your skills, etc. I never buy magazines, but this one caught my eye. Why not? $4.50 is cheaper than what I spent on the life coach, right?

In taking the "what's holding you back" quiz, my answers were all over the place - turns out, it was everything. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of losing control, fear of disapproval. Sheesh.

But it was there that I first read the phrase "imposter syndrome" - a psychological condition in which a successful person feels, down to their core, that their very competence and ability are a complete illusion they've been carefully maintaining, that any failure will reveal.

Oh.My.God.

That's me, I thought.

I googled it. I read. I was set free.

Within an hour, I felt happier than I had in years. I looked around the room - that man over there, he really loved me. ME, not just the illusion of me I had been projecting. Those projects I did, I really did them. It wasn't just a pretense that I could do them.

That successful writing, editing, childraising, friend-supporting, etc etc etc - I owned it.

To someone who has never suffered from imposter syndrome, this probably sounds ridiculous. But to me, it was the weight of the world lifting off my shoulders.

As Stuart Smiley would say, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and goshdarnit, people like me!"

If you know someone smart, accomplished, creative, who has a hard time taking compliments, takes every mistake or failure to heart, and dismisses her achievements, show her this article. It will rock her world.

The Skhakh has Left the Building

2010-10-11T16:13:00.001-04:00

Only a week or two late, I've finally taken down and chopped up the skakh from our sukkah.h

The sides came down right away, as we were expecting rain, so we had about a week of faux-trellis out on the deck outside our dining room, which was actually quite lovely. As the skhakh dried out, the leaves started rustling in the wind, adding to the ambience.

All in all, much more pleasant than a brown X-mas tree dropping pine needles on the carpet through January.

So it's not procrastination, it's exterior decorating.

Thursday: Tight pants?

2010-10-07T14:46:00.000-04:00

Nothing *good* going on here, so I thought we could all use something silly. Enjoy.

(Don't even ask where I found this... I have superpowers)

Simchat Torah

2010-10-01T13:30:00.000-04:00

it's all fun and games until someone gets poked in the eye with an Israeli flag.

Perfect Paella

2010-09-29T19:15:00.000-04:00

well, almost. But I had to keep it kosher, so "almost" is as good as we get around here.

I was inspired by Marie at 66 Square Feet to whip up a little paella for dinner in the sukkah last night. It was tricky, given that Bad Cohen isn't eating fish (or tomatoes or peppers) and we don't eat treif. Here's what I did:

Start the rice:
1 1/2 cups long-grain brown rice, 3 cups water, a little olive oil, saffron, onion powder and garlic powder. (Bring to boil, reduce to low, cover)

Cut up the veggies for faux-sofrito on the table in the sukkah while watching The Kid play in the sandbox:
2 carrots, 2 celery stalks, 1 onion, 1/2 of a zucchini, all about 1/4" dice

Cook the veggies in olive oil over med-high heat in a nice heavy sautee pan, stirring occasionally, with a little salt.

When they're nicely browned, add a squeeze of ketchup, about 1 cup of chicken stock, and the rice (only partially cooked at this point). Lower the heat to about med-low and cover, adding bits and pieces of whatever else you have around (I used leftover honey-lavender chicken, corn, peas, and cooked veggie sausages), and a good sprinkling of sweet paprika (maybe 2 Tablespooons).

Cook until the rice is almost done, remove cover, turn up heat, and get it all a little toasty and less wet.

I served it with quickie sangria (see below), good canned sardines on the side for me and The Kid, although I would have preferred real, separately cooked salmon and cod, but the line at the fish counter was too long and I was hungry.

Quickie Sangria
Mix equal amounts of:
Red wine
good lemonade
Reed's ginger brew

Stir, add a dash of cinnamon, and if you're making a whole bunch, add in some cut fruit. Real sangria is great, but let's face it, it's a lot of work for a single glass.

The Cat Reflects on Sukkot

2010-09-24T12:36:00.000-04:00

Our cats have been spending a lot of time in the sukkah lately. I'm under the impression that they think we built it for them, as a cool outdoor kitty club hangout. But generally, they think pretty much everything we do (except using the vacuum cleaner) is for their benefit, so that's a safe guess.

Zombies in the sukkah

2010-09-22T11:35:00.000-04:00

We're welcoming WAY too many people into the sukkah tonight, including 8 small children, which got me thinking... does the mandate to welcome the stranger include the undead?

Enjoy.

Sukkah City - NYC

2010-09-16T12:25:00.000-04:00

Hey, all you J-bloggers around NYC, go to Union Square Park on Sunday and Monday to check out the Sukkah City 2010 contest winners.

You can buy one of these sukkahs, too - winning bid proceeds go to Homelessness prevention efforts in NYC.

L'Chaim!

2010-09-16T11:36:00.000-04:00

We've had a lot of sadness this year, and as we approach Yom Kippur, I'v been feeling more and more solemn. Leave it to Bad Cohen to find something perfect to cheer me up, and remind me of what we're really praying for. Enjoy!

Thanks for all the fish

2010-09-08T18:45:00.000-04:00

Tonight at sunset we start a new year, which naturally makes me think about the one just past.

Damn, y'all. It's been one heck of a year.

We faced the reality that, with Bad Cohen's health problems, we will only ever be parents to one child.

An unusual cold snap brought us an appreciation of our ancestors' gumption and a new family member.

Bad Cohen's dietary restrictions made planning Pesach menus... umm... interesting, but we pulled through with all your suggestions. And even though I'm not a sports fan, I think I finally get why some people are.

The spring was looking great, with new garden plans and finally some sunshine, but then, just after Pesach, we lost Bad Cohen's dad. And then had to deal with the aftermath. Oh, and the drinking.

Turns out, though, gardening can be therapeutic. As can a tropical vacation. Which was good, because I got all riled up again mid-summer over the conversion narishkeit in Israel.

And unfortunately, Elul saw us more focused on physical health than spiritual, but things seem to be healing themselves alright there.

If I've offended or upset anyone, I am sincerely sorry. To atone, I offer the following:

Goody bags! It's just like a birthday party! Sort of.

2010-09-02T17:40:00.000-04:00

The best thing about the hospital is the swag.

Bad Cohen spent an entire weekend in the most expensive hotel in town, and left with no diagnosis, but they did give him a giant plastic cup. With a very, very large straw.

We scoped out the rest of the goods, but the linen was all wrong for our beds and we decided the clothing was designed to deter theft. I mean, Armani it's not. Although it was fun, trying to choose between the gown with the missing tie (ooh la la! scandalous!) or the one with the rip over the breast pocket, which you could use to slip your pills down if you didn't feel like taking them. Of course, he didn't get any pills, they just slipped stuff into his IV. But that's ok, the liquid is probably the good stuff, anyway.

Turns out if you take the giant straw out of the giant cup and blow into it you've got the world's most annoying whistle. The kid figured that one out. That may be why the straw got "lost" last time it went through the dishwasher.

(I'm not proud. But neither am I a saint.)

AWESOME mother

2010-09-02T17:35:00.000-04:00

Jenny isn't sure whether she's a great mom or a bad one. I vote:

FREAKING AWESOME

And (I know this will come as a shock to readers of my other blog) we don't even say the word "stupid" in front of Hailey so now I'm in the rather uncomfortable position of either telling her that she's no longer allowed to watch her favorite movie now that she can read so well, or explaining to her that she's mispronouncing the word "dumb-ass".

What say you?

Nothing to See Here

2010-08-30T19:18:00.000-04:00

Sorry y'all, there's not much to post about that's entertaining.

Bad Cohen was in the hospital for a weekend. He's home now, and we still don't know what's wrong. The kid had a birthday (100 water balloons, 15 matchbox cars and 25 Smarties buried in the sandbox for a treasure hunt). The garden is growing like crazy. We now have 3 cats, and one of them wants to kill the other two. And in between all that, I'm having a hard time making any of this into stories.

Check back later.

Boycott Target, or Perform Sing-ins?

2010-08-24T14:16:00.000-04:00

I'm a wuss. I actually believe that we SHOULD boycott any corporation that tries to take advantage of the awful, un-Constitutional ruling that corporate political donations are "free speech" (I'm pretty sure that only actual PEOPLE can speak, Fido and Hal notwithstanding).

But, Target! It's my fave!! Sigh. Guess I'll have to bite the bullet, or risk running into something like this next time I go:

Sign the Petition

Sukkot decorations. Get your ass in gear.

2010-08-18T14:30:00.000-04:00

The holidays are REALLY freaking early this year, and last night the Toddler* and I were hanging out in the garden, watching rain clouds move in (must be time for the county fair!**). And it felt sort of like fall, which made me think of Sukkot, which made me think, "Hey! Let's make stuff for the Sukkah!" Which led to a discussion of why we couldn't just put a metal roof on the Sukkah to stay dry. I hate it when the kid makes more sense than me.

Anyway, I've been wracking my brain to think of fun sukkah decorations that:

we can do together (he's almost 4, so nothing involving torches or melted glass)
don't look tacky and horrible
can stand up to a week of rain (because, hello, it's Oregon)

So far, all I've got is ribbon chains (like paper chains, only less likely to end up as soggy bits of colored crap spread out all over my deck).

I'm also seriously considering his idea of stringing up his Star Wars toys like they're flying through the Sukkah, if only because it would really make Bad Cohen happy.

Any suggestions?

*Actually the preschooler now. Maybe I'll just start calling him "The Kid." We do, after all, live in Oregon, although hippy-town isn't exactly the Wild West.

** It ALWAYS rains during the fair. Always.

Yes, Virginia, moms do kill themselves sometimes.

2010-08-16T16:16:00.000-04:00

Yes, this is a true story. Yes, I knew her.

She was going off the deep end. She thought she was hiding it.

Katy* had always struggled with depression, and her husband knew this going into the marriage. What neither of them realized was how the isolation, tedium, and stress of stay-at-home parenting would push her over the edge.

She was a great mom - loving, devoted, returning early from a girls' night out to help bathe her son and put him to bed. She was a great friend - always there with a kind word, an offer of help.

She shot herself in the middle of the woods, on a day when their dad had custody.

They were already months into divorce proceedings, and the day before, she had suddenly walked into the lawyer's office, retracted everything bad she had ever said about him, and granted him full custody.

She took her dog with her, her best friend for a decade. She shot her dog first.

Towards the end, nobody was paying attention, because she had pushed them all away. When she decided that suicide was the only way left to end her pain, she quite deliberately started a campaign of antagonism to her friends. No, she didn't want to come over. And by the way, that thing you said the other day? That was really offensive. She's not sure she still wants to be friends with someone who could say that.

It's too bad, too. Because friends can see things, even when they tell themselves not to. And friends can step in and do something, even if they can't do it all. Now, two children are growing up without a mother. A family has lost a daughter, a sister. And a community of mothers is wondering how in the hell this could have happened, and why they couldn't stop it.

It doesn't have to be this way.

If you know someone like Katy, speak up. Ask her how she's doing. Make sure she's getting the help she needs. Depression sucks. Postpartum depression really sucks. And being a mom isn't easy. Let's help each other, ok?

*Not her real name, for obvious reasons

Where's MY rap video?

2010-08-16T14:43:00.001-04:00

OK, we know mommy bloggers are really of interest only to other moms, but it gives me hope for glamorizing my rather unglamorous life to see that Elizabeth Warren, chair of the Congressional Oversight Panel, has been the subject of a loving new rap video.

Enjoy.

Kol Isha and rabbinical hypocrisy

2010-08-09T14:00:00.000-04:00

I've always been bothered by the Orthodox concept of "Kol Isha," that a woman's voice is inherently too sexy for your shul, too sexy to rule... ok, technically it's "ervah" or nakedness, meaning that a real Jewish guy hearing a woman sing will automatically become so horny he can't possibly concentrate on anything worthwhile and Torah True like saving orphans or oppressing stockbrokers or whatever.

Why am I bothered by this?

Well, for one thing, I'm a woman, and nobody ever asked me if I get too turned on by a guy singing and really want them to shut the hell up. (I guess it would depend on the guy. Barry White, for instance, should never chant the Shema.)

Also, it gets used as an excuse, among others, to prevent women from leading or even participating in communal worship and other activities that become the province of these same men who supposedly can't control themselves.

Seriously? You don't trust them to hear a woman sing, but you'll let them make halachic rulings? Way to go with the logic.

But the real clincher, for me, as to why this is a bogus argument when it comes to chanting or leading parts of a worship service, is embodied in the occasionally encountered tone-deaf Orthodox rabbi. Stay with me, here.

We pray, instead of offering up burnt offerings in the temple, because that's the substitute the rabbis came up with when the second temple was burned down.

Back when we had a temple, we had all sorts of rules about what offerings were acceptable, and who was qualified to make them. Left-handed kohens? Out. Cute little sheep with a twisted ankle? No way. No, really, people got KILLED (by GOD!) for bringing the wrong kinds of offerings.

So, if you accept that prayer is how WE make offerings, and that our prayers must be good enough to be considered proper offerings (who is this? Anyone who thinks you should have a gabbai, or who has ever argued about whether form or kavanah is more important), then prayer is, by definition, NOT singing - since you let someone who can't sing do it.

So, here's the deal. Either stop using Kol Isha as an excuse not to let women lead services, or ban tone-deaf rabbis. That's all I ask.

It will improve things for everyone either way.

Crazy? Or Crazy Cool?

2010-07-28T19:50:00.000-04:00

Adele Enerson is either the craziest mom I've ever heard of, or the coolest.

Every day, when her baby naps, instead of taking a shower or reading a book or (!)taking a nap of her own(!), Adele takes pictures of her sleeping baby.

But, she takes PICTURES. With props. And sets.

All improvised from whatever's around the house.

I'm not sure whether to be slightly disturbed that she's using her sleeping baby as an objet d'art, or whether to start buying signed prints and hoard them for her future fame.

Take a look.

Are Charedim Jewish Gypsies?

2010-07-27T15:50:00.000-04:00

From a new paper by economist Peter T. Leeson:

"Gypsies believe the lower half of the human body is invisibly polluted, that supernatural defilement is physically contagious, and that non-Gypsies are spiritually toxic. I argue that Gypsies use these beliefs, which on the surface regulate their invisible world, to regulate their visible one. They use superstition to create and enforce law and order. Gypsies do this in three ways. First, they make worldly crimes supernatural ones, leveraging fear of the latter to prevent the former. Second, they marshal the belief that spiritual pollution is contagious to incentivize collective punishment of antisocial behavior. Third, they recruit the belief that non-Gypsies are supernatural cesspools to augment such punishment. Gypsies use superstition to substitute for traditional institutions of law and order. Their bizarre belief system is an efficient institutional response to the constraints they face on their choice of mechanisms of social control."

Firstly, "their bizarre beliefs" are no less bizarre than things that the majority of people in the world believe, so don't get all upset and say I'm calling Charedim bizarre. The author is an economist, which means that cultural differences are totally baffling to him. As an anthropologist by training, they don't seem bizarre at all, they seem perfectly reasonable, given the economic, political, and social circumstances in which Gypsies have been forced to live for generations.

But here's an idea: are frum superstitions, segulot, isolationism, and belief in and patronage of "tzaddikim" who can purportedly perform miracles REALLY a counter-system of law and order to actual halacha?

Do What You Are

2010-07-27T12:52:00.000-04:00

A few months ago, I spent a lot of time and money working with a Life Coach, and really didn't end up anywhere but right back here. Oh no, she was great, she was really good at what she did, I just couldn't wrap my brain around what I actually want.

But now I think I've got it.

I want to be a professional provocateur.

Not as in someone who starts wars, just someone who asks questions. I'm really good at questioning people's assumptions, and poking holes in their theories. Not so much at providing answers, but really good at asking questions.

As Penelope Trunk points out, the best thing you can do for your career is to work hard at knowing yourself and be kind to others. Since she also says the critical new skill is knowing how to ask good questions, I should be positioned for greatness, right?

Or at least infamy.

I think I'll go for infamy - it has so much more cachet.

Tu B'Av - Yes, of course I love you!

2010-07-26T13:55:00.000-04:00

Amy Meltzer from Homeshuling has challenged us to name our favorite Jewish love song in honor of Tu B'Av, a day which, in olden times, saw all the young maidens dressed in white, out shaking what their Maker gave 'em in hopes of finding a match.

I'm still a sucker for any sappy love songs from the late 80's (what can I say? puberty hit hard), but for a real, Jewish love song, this is my favorite:

"Do You Love Me?" - Tevye and Golde, from Fiddler on the Roof

Tevye: Golde, I have decided to give Perchik permission to become engaged to our daughter, Hodel."

Golde: "What??? He's poor! He has nothing, absolutely nothing!"

Tevye: "He's a good man, Golde. I like him. And what's more important, Hodel likes him. Hodel loves him. So what can we do? It's a new world... A new world. Love. Golde..."

Do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I what?

(Tevye)
Do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I love you?
With our daughters getting married
And this trouble in the town
You're upset, you're worn out
Go inside, go lie down!
Maybe it's indigestion

(Tevye)
"Golde I'm asking you a question..."

Do you love me?

(Golde)
You're a fool

(Tevye)
"I know..."

But do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I love you?
For twenty-five years I've washed your clothes
Cooked your meals, cleaned your house
Given you children, milked the cow
After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?

(Tevye)
Golde, the first time I met you
Was on our wedding day
I was scared

(Golde)
I was shy

(Tevye)
I was nervous

(Golde)
So was I

(Tevye)
But my father and my mother
Said we'd learn to love each other
And now I'm asking, Golde
Do you love me?

(Golde)
I'm your wife

(Tevye)
"I know..."
But do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I love him?
For twenty-five years I've lived with him
Fought him, starved with him
Twenty-five years my bed is his
If that's not love, what is?

(Tevye)
Then you love me?

(Golde)
I suppose I do

(Tevye)
And I suppose I love you too

(Both)
It doesn't change a thing
But even so
After twenty-five years
It's nice to know

"FU" from Israel, with Love

2010-07-20T15:00:00.000-04:00

Having read the full text of the Rotem Conversion bill, which includes amendments to two existing laws (the Chief Rabbinate of Israel Law, 5740-1980 and the Nationality Law, 5712-1952), I don't really get what all the fuss is about.

After all, it's just formally codifying the casual "F*ck you" that Israel already extends toward the diaspora in general, and converts in particular.

Maybe the problem is that this new formulation halts liberal Jews' current rationalizations in their tracks. From an actual conversation I had with Bad Cohen:

BC: But Israel has been set up at least to accept a non-ortho as a Jew. This changes that fundamentally.

Me: Has it? A non-ortho can't get married in Israel. Their children can't get married in Israel. How are they considered a Jew? Y'all like to think you're accepted there, but you're not. Try making aliyah and trying to get anything related to personal status done as a Jew. Right now, if you move there, you have to accept second-class citizen status in relation to your religous practices.

BC: I think of it like this - marriage is a big issue, but not as big as return. Isreal exists as the refuge of all Jews.

Me: But what's the point of going there if you can't be a full citizen?

Once you accept the linking of religion and state, how can you be upset at preferences given to one sect over another? Do you seriously think any state can exist which sponsors or supports a religion and also allows for pluralism? You're deluding yourselves.

When Israel gets a Consitution, and separates religion and state, I'll consider it as a valid alternative to America. Until then, it might as well be Saudi Arabia.

So, seriously Israel? F*ck you right back.

For Shabbat Chazon, why not more baseless hatred?

2010-07-16T14:04:00.000-04:00

Is it just me, or have Israeli politicians chosen a particularly apt time to debate who gets to define Jews and Judaism?

"For months, Israeli lawmakers have been discussing a bill that would put more power over conversion into the hands of Israel’s Orthodox-dominated Rabbinate by giving local rabbis the ability to perform conversions and giving the Chief Rabbinate oversight and control over the whole process.

"The bill, sponsored by Yisrael Beiteinu Knesset member David Rotem, gained steam July 12 with its approval in the Knesset law committee by a 5-4 vote. The bill now must pass three readings before the full Knesset to become law. "

From Law of Return at issue as conversion bill advances

As Nathan Sharansky put it, "The meaning of this is a split between the state of Israel and large portions of the Jewish people."

After all, what's a little sinat chinam between friends, right?

Almost Piña Coladas

2010-07-15T16:47:00.000-04:00

Last night, Bad Cohen and I went to the beach.

We had sand between our toes, warm breezes, comfortable chairs, and nice cold drinks to sip. We even had an actual, adult conversation, about something other than schedules or tantrums or what-to-make-for-dinner.

It was almost perfect -

until somebody ran over my toes with a dump truck.

Is there any way to convince my son that the sandbox is really for grownups?

Summer scents

2010-07-14T18:20:00.000-04:00

My garden has two distinct smells, these days. In the evening, when I go to gather herbs or zucchini for dinner, I get the wonderful fragrance of the Linden tree in full bloom, just behind our bedroom.

In the morning, wheh I go out after a nice bowl of hot oatmeal, the distinctive smell of stale, cheap beer.

No worries, it's not drunken homeless people crashing in my bushes.

No, it's something much, much worse.

(This image isn't actually from my garden; I always forget the camera, so I borrowed this pic from the fabulous Marie Viljoen. Ours is grosser. It has mostly slugs. Giant slugs. Yay Oregon.)

Preparing for the Inundation

2010-07-13T16:31:00.000-04:00

Bad Cohen came back from a woo-woo Jewish retreat talking about becoming a rabbi.(This is me rolling my eyes.)

In other news, we got our first zucchini from the garden, soon to be followed by about 300,000 more.

I'm thinking Zucchini, Lemon, Ricotta Tartlets (use puff pastry, it's quicker), zucchini bread, sauteed zucchini... I'm also thinking of leaving giant bags of it on neighbors' porches in the dead of night. I'll let you know how that turns out.

Also, I'm 450 pounds of beach sand into filling up the new sandbox. Only 2,250 more pounds to go.

Why is Jesus Not a Zombie?

2010-07-08T19:38:00.001-04:00

How many of you have dreamed of having your blog posts read aloud by an actor portraying a pseudo-televangelist? Really? No takers?

This is what happened at the Mom 2.0 conference in 2009. The post was titled, "I'm pretty sure Jesus doesn't care what you do with semen."

Enjoy!

Happy 4th!

2010-07-02T14:03:00.000-04:00

I'm planning to make these fun pretzel sparklers for the party we'll be attending on the 4th, as well as my usual single-crust fresh blueberry pie. YUM!

This year, with the toddler almost 4, we're debating whether to give him a nap and let him try to stay awake through fireworks, or keep him awake all day and hope he sleeps throug the noise in the evening. Either way, I'm sure Bad Cohen and I will be needing a nap on Monday.

Y'all have any fun plans?

Vindication, sisters!

2010-07-01T18:48:00.000-04:00

Remember last week, when some idiot posited the following:

"I imagine most people in the world at large feel somewhat differently about racism and sexism and see sexism as being at least ignorable if not justifiable."

A new study from the Pew Research Center finds that most of the world believes in equal rights, although we're still far from actually accomplishing this goal.

Titled, "Gender Equality Universally Embraced, but Inequalities Acknowledged," the study, not surprisingly, finds that men are less in favor of equal opportunities than are women, especially when men's livelihoods are at stake:

"In some countries, male respondents are considerably more likely than female respondents to agree that men should have more right to a job than women when jobs are scarce. For example, about nine-in-ten Egyptian men (92%) share this view, compared with 58% of Egyptian women. Similarly, while about three-quarters of Jordanian men (77%) say their sex should be more entitled to a job in tough economic times, a much slimmer majority of Jordanian women (56%) say the same."

Kind of makes you stop and think about why OJ rabbis don't want competition.

Things to do at 1:00AM. And 1:30. And 2:00. etc.

2010-06-29T13:32:00.000-04:00

Forgot to give the little rooster his allergy medicine last night, and had a sudden realization about what, exactly, it's been helping.

The sniffles? Sure, a little. But sleeping through the WHOLE night - yes, actually, that's what it is. It's toddler sleeping pills. (well, sort of - it's liquid, but I'm tired, so just go with this)

Anyway, here's a list of my top 5 recommendations for things to do with a small child from 1-2:30AM.

Promise him chocolate chips and the return of removed toys if he stays in bed and doesn't wake up mom and dad.
Insist that you really do need to take your ear with you when you leave, no, he can't keep holding it.
Get a snack. Or two. Try to figure out where that darn blueberry went - in the dark.
Keep your patience when said child informs you that he's peed his pajama pants, despite your asking (a dozen friggin times!) if he wanted to use the potty.
Return to your bed, snuggle in, start to fall asleep, poke your husband - hard - and then pretend to be sound asleep when the child comes through your door for the seventh time in an hour.

Dear Makers of Zyrtec,

Thank you so much for the magical medicine you've given me to help my child through his allergies. Please add a warning to the package that suddenly discontinuing use may cause parental insanity.

Thank you.

Substance Abuse and 3 year olds

2010-06-24T19:06:00.000-04:00

"So, sweetie, starting this week, X. isn't going to be picking you up any more. You're going to have special Daddy time instead."

"Why?"

Oh, shit. He would have to ask.

"Well, X. has been making some bad choices, and so she can't take care of you for now."

"Maybe she will make better choices and then we can give her a sticker."

Awkward pause.

"Maybe. And we hope she does make better choices, but I think it's going to be a while before we give her another chance. You can still see her, but she can't pick you up and take care of you for a while."

"Well, she did a good job taking care of me, and before Opa died, and we didn't give her stickers then, so maybe we should go up and give her stickers for then so she knows to make good choices again."

"MM-hmmmm, maybe. Hey, would you like some dessert?"

Someday, he may get the full story. Or maybe not. But I managed to get through the conversation without crying, which is definitely something.

Also, I have an awesome kid.

A Different Kind of War

2010-06-23T13:58:00.001-04:00

Who understands the position of Israel re: Gaza better - a liberal, two-state solution American Jew? Or your average American jar-head in Afghanistan in 2010?

A soldier complains that under the rules, any insurgent who doesn't have a
weapon is immediately assumed to be a civilian. "That's the way this game is,"
McChrystal says. "It's complex. I can't just decide: It's shirts and skins, and
we'll kill all the shirts."
From Rolling Stone's article on "The Runaway General"

Counter-insurgency, defeating a guerrilla army, isn't easy. I wonder how long it will take before first-world countries stop shitting on Israel and realize they're all facing the same problem.

Outraged

2010-06-23T12:18:00.000-04:00

Here in hippie-town, in my liberal Jewish shul, I occasionally forget that there are venomous attitudes out there being propped up by willful misinterpretations of halacha.

Or maybe that's unfair. Maybe the people spouting this nonsense are simply unthinking sheep who really never questioned what their bigoted rabbis told them.

(Can you tell I'm spitting mad?)

In a discussion on DovBear's blog about double standards among the Orthodox (how quick OJs were to criticize Obama for his association with Rev. Wright, while their own rabbis spew racism and worse from the bima), I came across this comment:

"I imagine most people in the world at large feel somewhat differently about racism and sexism and see sexism as being at least ignorable if not justifiable."

This (male) OJ commenter unfortunately represents a common viewpoint in Orthodoxy, that sex differences are not only natural, but Godly, and that all the cultural crap that's been added on to halacha (such as not allowing female rabbis or even shul presidents) is justified. Even holy.

I am proud to belong to a Jewish community that cares more about how you treat your fellows than how long your sleeves are.

Thank you, Mr. Bigot, for renewing my commitment to fostering strong, healthy, intelligent, and compassionate leadership among Jewish girls. That's just the inspiration I need as I prepare to lead a group of Jewish teenage girls here through the Rosh Hodesh: It's a Girl Thing curriculum this fall.